Legitimate Money Saving Tactics

Park further from your destination

How close do you park to work, school, a friends house, or whatever? I bet you park real close, like some sort of convenience whore who gets off on convenience. You probably even drive a late-model car! Buh! Why would you want to park right at the entrance of your desired destination when you can park a few hundred meters away and walk to where you need to be? You’ll save money on the whole round trip, since you’re saving fuel on both arriving and leaving. Don’t forget those leaving gains!

Bonus tip: If it’s raining, use the opportunity to collect some rainwater on the way for use in bathing or soup.

Related: Ban 20 year old cars

Never fail to ask for a discount big box retail stores despite the fact that it’s always like $6 off

If you’re at a store where the staff have the power to grant discounts, why are you not taking advantage of that shit? Even if you can only get $1 off of an $11 item, that’s 9% off, for the cost of a question that takes like 30 seconds to ask. Who are you that you don’t have 30 extra seconds to spend on a question? If you have the time to walk into a store to buy a charger, you have 30 extra seconds to get a discount. Warren Buffet would take that deal. Are you smarter than one of the richest businessmen in the world?

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Pay for the SD version of a streaming service and save $2 a month

Resolution in film and TV is a scam, and Netflix knows it. That’s why they tied ‘maximum resolution’ to ‘number of simultaneous screens’. Got 3 people frequently watching on one account? Guess you have to pay for the HD tier! Don’t care about HD? SD looks fine? Too bad. SD doesn’t look all that different than HD on a smartphone, tablet, or laptop. You can sort of make a distinction on a 50+ inch TV but have you considered the counterargument of who cares? What, are you watching two streams side-by-side at different resolutions? No, you are not. Only locally-streamed content deserves to be HD cos that shit’s free.

If you’re watching an online stream, SD looks fine. Did you sit down to enjoy the content, or to jerk off over the number of vertical pixels on your screen?

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Watch TV with 2 jumpers on, on the coldest day of the year

Why do you use a heater in the winter? Is to a) heat your body, b) heat the walls, or c) make sure your unused couch space is nice and cuddly warm? The answer is obviously a) to heat your body. So if that’s true then why waste money on heating empty space that your body doesn’t even occupy? Is there a reason that the air in the back corner of the room, that no-one has been in in the last 3 years, has to be a comfortable temperature? No, there is no reason for this.

Decadent western capitalism has us convinced that to be warm and comfortable we need to heat the entire room, not just our bodies – but that’s bullshit. Only your body needs to be warm. The rest of the room doesn’t matter. Your body produces heat just by virtue of the fact that you’re alive. Why waste that? Preserve that heat with a jumper, warm pants, a beanie, warm socks, and maybe a pair of warm gloves. This, and a strong sense of self-satisfaction, is all you need to keep warm this winter.

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